This is some fun and random stuff that I thought you all would like to see. Or maybe I'm the only one who finds it worthwhile.
Whatever.
~~~aniolkobieta~~~
NB - the only thing I actually wrote myself on this page is the School Quotes...the rest are things I wish I could take credit for but can't. I got the funny ones from forwardgarden.com and the suicide one from Amanda's weblog.
Fun School Quotes
Health / P.E.
-NO! I am NOT a man! I am Mr. Shatila!
(Mr. Shatila after someone said "Geez, man" on the first day of school.)
Chorus
-You know, for something that is supposed to be *tailored to my body*, this dress does NOT fit me well at all; there are ferrets that fit me better.
(Me, complaining about the chorus dresses.)
-Any dress that you can't get on by yourself is a waste of time and money.
(Liz Miller, also complaining about the dresses. We did a lot of that.)
-Rianne: I'm new, I just transfered here from another high school.
-Jennifer: And you're taking chorus?
-Me: I can't tell you what a mistake you've made...
(a fun conversation between Jennifer, a new student [Rianne] and myself.)
Biology
-But we CAN'T organize the legos by inherited traits...they're LEGOS...they DON'T HAVE inherited traits!
(numerous people in Biology class, during the natural selection unit.)
History
-MR. RUTZ! MR. RUTZ! MR. RUTZ! MR RUTZ!...
(I can't explain this, it's an inside joke and you had to be there.)
Latin
-VIGILO!
(Laurel, demonstrating the correct pronunciation of her favorite word. Quite often.)
-Pennnnnn! No! Pennnnn! No!
(Laurel, stealing my pen and not letting me have it back.)
-[CENSOR]
(Something I wrote during many after-test note-passing sessions with Laurel, in an effort to make fun of her *aHEM* choice of words. This is yet another inside joke.)
English
-Suzie: I think Meghan should be Oedipus in our skit.
-Me: No, you don't think that.
-Suzie: But you have the strongest voice-
-Me: Ha ha. Isn't it funny when you have so many synapses firing at once that you think silly things, like "Meghan should be Oedipus in our skit"?
(Me, trying to get out of playing Oedipus in our skit. It didn't work, for all those concerned.)
World Cup Game, June 14, 2002
-HA! Look at that! Two goals in the first four minutes! We win, see you later.
(Zourab, gloating because his team was beating the daylights out of our team.)
-Joanna: Hey Meghan, did Zourab leave?
-Me: Yeah.
-Joanna: Did he say when he'd be back?
-Me: What am I, a secretary?
-Joanna: Did he?
-Me: No.
-Joanna: Did he say where he was going?
-Me: Yeah Jo, he gave me a map of his route and told me to hold his calls. *sigh*
-Joanna: Ha. Did he take the pringles?
-Me: I think so.
-Joanna: Ah, geez...I was getting hungry. Does he have a whole restaurant in his backpack or something?
(Joanna asking me about the wherabouts of Zourab, and the possibility of getting some food.)
-Joanna: GOAL USA! YAAAAAY!
-The Rest of Us: Yaaaaaaay!
-Zourab: That isn't a goal.
-Me: It sure looked like a goal.
-Zourab: It was a foul, see? (Points at the screen, which is currently showing a replay.)
-Joanna and I: Dammit.
(A conversation in which Zourab made Joanna and I look very stupid.)
-Joanna: Ok, that one WAS a goal.
-Zourab: ...No...
-Joanna: That was *such* a goal.
-Zourab: No, it was another foul.
-Me: Zourab, if we say it was a goal, it was a goal.
-Joanna: Yeah.
-Me: It was a goal, wasn't it, Joanna?
-Joanna: Sure was.
(Zourab again makes Joanna and I look very stupid.)
-Joanna: Ok, this is the part where all the players take off their shirts.
---the players take off their shirts---
-Joanna: *screams*
(This one is pretty self-explanitory.)
-Zourab: Yes! Poland wins!
-Me: Yeah fine, but the US advanced.
[pause]
-Zourab: I don't care, Poland won.
-Me: I don't care, we advanced.
[insert laughter here]
(Zourab and I refuse to accept the win-win situation.)
How Gullible Are We?
A freshmen at Eagle Rock Junior High Won first prize at the Greater Idoho Falls science fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our enviroment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elemination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide" and for plenty of good reasons since:
1.) it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2.) it is a major component in acid rain
3.) it can cause severe burns in it's gaseous state
4.) accidenntal inhalation can kill you
5.) it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
6.) it contributes to erosion
7.) it has been founnd in tumors of terminal cancer patients
50 people were asked to sign. 46 people signed to ban it. 3 were undecided and only one person realized it was water.
Things The Movies Teach Us
During police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555
Most dogs are immortal
All beds have a special "L" shaped sheet that reaches armpit level on a woman, but only waist level on the man beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off~even when scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think to look for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building with no difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have ammunition, even if you haven;t carried a gun until now.
You're very likely to survive any battle of any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone the picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be nescasry to speak the language, Even a bad German accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman washes his hands
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be throw through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet when you take out the bill, just grab one at random, it will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering the kitchen at night, just open the fridge door and use that light instead
When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate scary noises in their most intimate underwear
Word processors will never display a cursor on the screen, but always say: Please enter password
The Chief of Police will always dismiss his best detective, or give him 48 hours to finish the job
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames
A single match will be enough light up a room as big as RFK stadium
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth
Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt up and pant
It is not nessacary to say hello or good-bye in phone conversations
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is nessacary to turn the steering wheel right and left every few moments
All bombs are fitted with an electronic timing device with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off
It is always possible to park in front of any building you want to visit at any time of day
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty
If you decide to start dancing in the middle of the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override any invading aliens communication system
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will patiently attack you one by one after dancing around you in threatening manner until you have knocked out their proceeders
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to pair them up with someone who is their exact opposite
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
You can always find a chain saw when you need one
Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside
An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child
TV bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment it comes on.
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I got this from my friend Amanda's weblog, and I thought it would be worthwhile to put it here. I know that some of us have lost a friend through suicide, and everyone who's been through such a tragic loss knows that the scars never heal, no matter how much they fade with time. Please steal this and put it on your website, in your weblog, or any place you can think of where someone will see it. Every person who reads this is a person who will think twice before attempting suicide.
Thanks,
~~~aniolkobieta~~~
If you're thinking about suicide think about this...
You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.
Fine--but before you kill yourself, here are some things you should know. I am a psychiatric nurse, and I see the results of suicide--when it works and more often, when it doesn't. Consider, before you act, these facts:
Suicide is not usually successful.
You think you know a way to guarantee it?
Ask the 25 year old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.
What about jumping?
Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. he lives in a fog. but, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.
What about pills?
Ask the 12 year old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.
What about a gun?
Ask the 24 year old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide.
You might too.
But...
Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned?
Your father?
Your mother?
Your wife?
Your son?
The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.
Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.
You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.
They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.
You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it?
Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later
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